The world of projector installation has kept me busy for some time now. Not a vocation as such but I do like to take a pride in my work. I've seen the inside of all manner of schools and teaching institutions during this job. From the upper class private schools who use projector installation for inbuilt cinema entertainment to the local comprehensives who have just discovered technology.
Last week, we went to a nursing college in the nearby town who wanted projector installation carried out in their gynaecology department. At least I'm past the stage of giggling at things like this, unlike some of my colleagues who found it difficult to keep their minds on the job.
Next week should be more interesting. We've just won a contract to carry out projector installation in a chain of pubs. I reckon there'll be a few late nights there! Apparently, they intend to set up a loop of films to be projected for their customers.
The first day goes without a hitch, we've assessed the area to carry out the projector installation, had a few beers, acquainted ourselves with the barmaids (public relations, and all that) and will go back tomorrow to make a start.
The next day consists of preparation, the essential part of any job, get this right and everything else will fall into place. We stop for a well deserved lunch time drink and a ploughman 's . Stomach lining is good. It means we can drink more beer and still work.
Day three and the boss has been moaning. We should have moved on to the second pub by now but I explain to him we want to get this first one spot on to set a precedent for the rest. He 's not really buying it but I assure him the projector installation will be complete today.
Of course, we have to start the day off properly and a liquid breakfast is the order of the day. Around eleven o'clock, we unload the van and get all the kit inside. Dave starts messing about, prancing around in front of the projector screen when the boss walks in to check on progress.
I've managed to calm him into thinking that it was just high jinks at the excitement of getting such a big project and I have it all under control. He leans towards me, clearly trying to sniff test me for alcohol but I make my excuses about getting on and execute a swift exit.
Moving out into the main room, it seems the beer has been flowing more freely than ever and a virtual party is under way! I dart across the room in an effort to save the screen they have been attempting to erect in a half inebriated state. I call for Mick to come and help but I get a slurred message from under a table somewhere that Mick is indisposed, out the back with a barmaid!
I just reach the screen as it tips forward. Catching it, I suddenly realise the full extent of the amount I have consumed myself and the room begins to spin. The screen crashes to the floor, upturning tables and spilling ashtrays, lit cigarettes and John 's whiskey all over the floor.
Within seconds the carpet is alight and panic breaks out. Thankfully everybody gets out safely.
No surprise to find out that in the following week 's local paper three vacancies have arisen for projector installation engineers.
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